Author's Note: I wrote this way back in the beginning of the year and I decided to edit it up and post it just because its a fun piece. It was fun changing it up and doing a personal narrative that I actually learned a valuable lesson from and please notice the word choice throughout.
Rushing wind whipped my hair back and blew hard against my soaking wet face making it go numb. "You're crazy!" a voice screamed in the back of my mind as I held on for dear life, laughing and screaming alongside my best friend. I was blinded as freezing water shattered hard against my face. Now, I was closing my eyes and looking down in a failed attempt to shield myself from the deathly cold that was sure to flood over me. I glanced over at my friend as we sped along crouched in a protective stance, smiling. Putting on heads to our knees, we finally decided to give up seeing what was coming next to just protect ourselves. It was a mistake. We crashed down over the wake and I jerked up seeing the blur of the boat in front of me turning sharply. "LEAN!!" both of of screamed together, petrified, and attempted to go back over into the safe zone. The path. We screamed as we were whipped high of the ground just to come down with a splash. Our next idea was to hop over the wake and we tried to jump up pulling the tube with use and get back over, it goes without saying it was a failed attempt. We managed to get partially over, but it made it worse because now we were tilted on a dangerous angle. I was now b on top, leaning into my best friend as she leaned farther down, inches from the dark water urging us under its evil cover. I tried to upright myself, so I wouldn't push her because we both knew if any one of us was going in, it was her. The boat jerked the other way and we were pulled back on track. We couldn't feel our faces or hands, and we were soaked to the bone. Again I thought to myself, "Tubing is not as fun when it's 50 degrees out." I smiled widely though because deep inside even I knew that I loved it. This is what I lived for…these experiences, the laughs, the memories. Before we knew it we were crashing right back down in the "unsafe" zone as I often referred to it as. Screaming at the top of our lungs, we were pulled farther and farther away from where we wanted to be. We let our ourselves be jerked and jostled and thrown into the air for a while. And while we were still out there, trying our hardest not to give in, that's when we gave the signal. A simple raising of the hand, stop. I think of that ride as "life." Sometimes you stray far away you want to be, it'll be rough, but I always have to think something good is going to come out of this. The only thing that would be different, is when your in over your head you cannot just hold up your hand to make it all go away. You have to find your own way.
Wow! You can definitely tell that you edited this! I really loved this piece because it painted a picture in my head and I could tell that you were tubing. Well, I'm pretty sure you were tubing with a friend. Anyways, this piece also made me make my own connections and think about times when I went tubing with my friends. I really liked it a lot because of that. I would just like to ask you about one thing. I got a little confused when I read a sentence towards the end, "Sometimes you stray far away you want to be, it'll be rough, but I always have to think something good is going to come out of this." In the beginning of this sentence were you trying to say, "Sometimes you stray far away from where you want to be..." I think that would clear things up a little bit for the reader. But overall, great job!
ReplyDeleteThat was really good, I loved the way you kept the reader wondering what exactly your talking about. I kept guessing what it was.
ReplyDelete